Seriously ... shut up

The pages... of my life

So this is going to be a really random post. Why? Because Blue eyes decided to be dick! Blue eyes had
given me a recipe  for this veggie dish he even gave me the glaze to top it with, I was thankful because it came out well and I didn't need his help. When I sent him a message to thank him and also tell him how much everyone liked it, he completely ignored me! The short story is I had pretty cool news to tell him TWO of BLUE JAY players had been in the mall I work in and were shopping, I had gotten something pretty cool for him signed and was excited to tell him. Sadly he kept ignoring me. So last night i sent him a message to ask him if I could call him when I got home from work, I also asked if he would be okay with it since it would be pretty late. Do you know what he sent!? "Can I be honest for a second, can you relax a little" WTF!?!?! So now I'm pissed and sent back "Sorry I wasn't trying to upset you or pester you" and that was the end of that. I can't believe after all those night staying up till 3:30am talking to him about his girl troubles became this, I did not want anything from him that jackass! Well he wants me to relax then fine, I will be so relaxed that he won't hear  a word from me.

Once again I have been used. I thought he was my friend and I was supposed to be "his best girlfriend". Yeah, my ass.

Until further Notice

Couture

I'm sending my self crazy

The pages… of my life

Another one bites the dust…

Well ladies and possible gentlemen who are reading this, as the title states I have yet again failed at being with the person I want. The funny thing is, it has nothing to do with Blue eyes not thinking about it. Hmmm. So yes he thought about it and I didn’t win. Curl did (obviously). To be honest this isn’t even a real post it’s a rant about how I can’t seem to get it right. I couldn’t get it right with my ex and now I’ve failed with Blue eyes.

I have never been very good at showing my feelings when it comes to someone I like; I keep them to myself because I can never work up the courage to say anything. All of a sudden my loud and crazy personality disappears and I become a mouse! Blue eyes knew I was keeping something from him 50% of myself as he put it was his friend and supporting him with his pursuit of Curl and the other 50% wants to be with him; I told him the truth. Yes I want to be with you, but what I feel does not matter because you want someone else and sadly I’m not her. 

Blue eyes had a hard time talking to me. He wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words to say it. Blue eyes told me that he has thought about dating me, and that if he told me he hadn’t then he would be lying, he wanted me to be honest with him and tell him what I was feeling. We made a deal if I told him how I felt then it would stay between the two of us, obviously not since I’m writing about it and you all are reading it.

“Yes I like you, but it really doesn’t matter since you like someone else. I will always be your friend. You can still tell me everything, because I care about you and love you” That’s what I told Blue eyes. To be honest he was happy that I would be able to still be there for him, and that it wouldn’t change just because of how I feel about him, I’ve come to accept that right now he and I wont be together unless he wakes up one day and sees all the things I do for him. I talk to him every night, make time for him, and when he’s sick I check on him just to make sure he is okay or if he needs anything. I’m punishing myself aren’t I? I’m trying to make myself not want him, but the more I do that the worse I get. The feeling of loving him and wanting him becomes stronger and then I’m back to where I started. Doesn’t Blue eyes understand that by telling me that he has thought about dating me, being with me makes it so much harder?  I know I would be good for him, I know I would love him and never let him go. He would never have to worry about being alone again. I never thought I would love anyone as much as I loved my ex and then Blue eyes came into the picture and have me hope. Hope that someone could love my crazy personality, my stupid jokes, the fact I’m loud and independent etc… He gave me that and now I’m watching him want someone who could care less about him. What do you all think?  To know that someone likes you, wants you but won't make a move because he was talking to someone else first… Curl who couldn’t care less…

Until further Notice

Couture