The Pages… of my life
Heartbreak Hotel
Just as the title states this post
is about heartbreak and how easy it is for anyone to start falling in love, or
to just fall in love and not realize that it has happen till its to late. I’ve
been in love before, it was so consuming that when he would walk into the room
it was as if the world stopped he would look at me and I would forget how to
breathe. Funny how easy it is for it to happen, a snap of the fingers lighting
strike or something crazy like that and all of a sudden your heart is no longer
yours. That was how I felt when I was with my ex, and then one day reality
happen and I saw that he was not my everything and that I had been played. I
had my own love used against me to gain what he wanted; I was used and tossed
aside like a rag doll an old toy. It almost broke me. No that’s wrong it did
break me. I told my self that I would never let myself fall that far again,
because of the fear that it would happen all over again. I swear I have the
worst luck with men, I used to think it was something that I wasn’t doing; and
then I realized that maybe my love was overwhelming or to strong. I needed to
find someone who not only loved the way that I did, but would love me
regardless of my faults and insecurities. They would be able to look past it
and see the woman that I’ am, the woman he loves. What a foolish dream.
Then I met Blue eyes and something
started to change…
Remember the pervious post about
him calling me and all that jazz? Well we did go out just not alone his friend
Stone was with us; Blue eyes said he brought my company for the game, which at
the time I thought was sweet. By the end of it I had met and befriended Stone,
and Biggs and re-introduced myself to Stash. What happen next was unexpected
and shocking.
As we left tonight Blue eyes
started talking about Curl (this girl he likes) and that he was waiting for a text from her to confirm he was going to
see her, now I’m sitting in the back seat behind Stone and my entire body just
froze. No matter what he say’s about me being this wonderful person, caring,
understanding did not change the fact that he LIKES someone else. Just like
that my reality shattered and it dawned on me that I was not it. Once again.
As Blue eyes was driving I had to
call Lady, I needed to be told that everything was going to be okay. I needed
my best friend. Lady as usual is amazing and never lets me down, she knows how
sensitive I can be and knew that if I called her it must have been something
big. It got worse.
He went to go see her after he
dropped me off (yes he dropped me off and went to her) which of course surprised me, and hurt a little.
Blue eyes told me he would text me once he was home, so pretty much after he
leaves her he would talk to me. Did he wait that long? No. Roughly 15 min later
I received a text from him, he was happy that he could take me out and I could
blend with his friends so easily; he was happy that I was nice to Stone etc…
then he dropped a bomb. Blue eyes told me he thinks he LOVES Curl,
I didn’t see that coming and my heart was not ready for it. I sat on my couch
pretending that I was happy; I asked him if he had told he yet. Blue eyes said
that Curl knew but they were taking it day by day. I thought he was home, oh
no! He was still with her, and talking to me. FANTASTIC! (Notice the sarcasm). Then Blue eye
told me he was going to lay down with her and text me when he was on his way
home. So now here I sit typing this, and I told Lady that I was foolish I had
allowed myself to feel for someone who obviously does not see me like that. I
was falling in love with Blue eyes, but now I have to turn it off and support
him because he is my friend. His happiness means more to me then my own
feelings, if he decides to fall for another then I will there telling him that
everything will be okay.
I told myself that I would never
feel this way about any man again, and then Blue eyes happen. Foolish me
thinking that maybe I could have love, but as it would seem heartbreak is
better suited for me. I wonder if I will find it hard talking to him and giving
him advice while I feel this way… I don’t know the answer. Lucky for me I know
he doesn’t read blogs so I’m safe here for now. So what will he tell me in the
hours to come? Hmmm. Once I know all of you will know.
Until Further Notice
Couture
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